


Cold My Whole Life

by truth_renowned



Series: One-Word Prompts [33]
Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 16:13:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13461831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truth_renowned/pseuds/truth_renowned
Summary: Her arm was numb, having fallen asleep at some point during the night, but Peggy didn’t want to move. Daniel’s heartbeat was soothing, the steady, soft throb threatening to lull her back to sleep.





	Cold My Whole Life

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the word 'heartbeat'.

_“Why do you put up with me?”_  
_“Because you’re fire...and I’ve been cold my whole life.”_  
_~A.R. Asher_

 

Her arm was numb, having fallen asleep at some point during the night, but Peggy didn’t want to move. Daniel’s heartbeat was soothing, the steady, soft throb threatening to lull her back to sleep. He moved slightly, one hand falling to the sheet and one still sitting at her hip. He seemed a little restless but she knew he was not a restful sleeper. Neither was she, really, but falling asleep with his heartbeat under her ear was the best sleep aid she knew. 

The human heart was a miraculous machine, something she knew doctors didn't fully understand. How it worked, why it would stop working, what could be done to bring it back when it failed -- all of it still was a mystery. But what the doctors, and all humans, understood was that one physically needed a heart in order to live. One also needed a heart in the metaphorical sense to love.

She’d heard the phrase ‘have a heart’ to denote empathy or love and never understood it. Of course you have a heart. Everyone does. What they should say is ‘have heart’. A simple article in the phrase made all the difference.

Having a heart meant you were amongst the living. Having heart made you feel alive.

His breath hitched, startling her. Within seconds, his heartbeat quickened. Moving her head slightly, she looked at his forehead. Beads of sweat glistened in the sharp creases of his brow. She looked down at his right hand, now clutching the sheet, and she felt his left hand tighten around her waist.

He was in the throes of a nightmare. She had practice with this, as his nightmares visited frequently.

War affected every man and woman differently. Some went on with their lives, none the worse for the experience. But for some, the memories slithered into their mind, serpents striking in the dead of night where peace and safety should be. Comparatively, she was lucky; her nightmares only visited every few months, and most of those centered around a specific airplane going down into the ice. Daniel’s were a weekly occurrence, some minor but most major. She hated seeing the terror in his face when he woke. She would have done anything to save him from that but she knew the human mind was even more of an enigma than the human heart.

His head whipped to the side and his arm twitched, his fingers digging into her side. She resisted the urge to wake him, to bring him out of his personal hell as quickly as possible. But she’d had practice with that as well. Waking him could make the effects worse. He had to come out of it on his own.

If he hadn’t had a death grip on her waist, she would have pulled away. After one nightmare a few weeks ago, the worst by far, he had screamed, pushed away from her, fists flying. He wouldn’t tell her who, or what, he thought she was, but it must have been terrifying because it took several seconds for him to stop hitting her. He broke down after that one, mumbles of ‘I’m so sorry’ mixed in with sobs. The only thing she could think to do was hold him, and so she did. Eventually he stopped crying but neither of them slept that night and neither spoke of it again.

She heard a gut-wrenching groan, whether from pain or fear she didn’t know. Then he jerked awake, heaving out a breath on the end of a shout of ‘No!’.

“I’m here, Daniel,” she said softly. “You’re here with me. You’re fine.”

His grip tightened on her waist, almost to the point of pain, but she said nothing. This one wasn’t as bad.

Slowly, he came back to himself, his breath coming in heavy spurts. She ran her fingers over his chest, hoping the gesture helped ground him. It did for her, anyway. Finally, his grip on her loosened and his heartbeat evened out.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

She looked up at him but he wouldn’t meet her gaze. “Darling, you should never apologize for what you cannot control.”

“At least I didn’t hit you this time,” he retorted, his tone acidic. “Dammit, Peg, I don’t know why you put up with me. Damaged, physically and mentally. You deserve better.”

She raised her head from his chest and grasped his chin, forcing it to move until he looked at her.

“Daniel Sousa, stop it this instant. I love you. Period. Full stop. I love everything that makes you the man you are. No nightmares, no scars, no prosthesis will change that. With all my heart, I love you.”

He opened his mouth to respond but closed it, and she continued. “And as far as deserving better, you’re wrong. I am a very lucky woman. I don’t know what I did to deserve a man as kind, loving and smart as you. You love me and respect me for who I am. You let me be me, which sometimes can be infuriating, I know. I couldn’t imagine a better man, a better partner for myself.”

She smiled as his expression softened and he looked away.

“Thank you,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion as his thumb starting brushing against her hip.

She wanted nothing more than to show him just how much she loved him, but she knew the nightmare had left him too fragile for anything more than holding him close. This was what he needed from her right now. She knew this, had practice with this. She had practice with many things with Daniel, good and bad. And she wouldn’t trade any of them for the world.


End file.
